Spring Kinda Sucks
I lived in NYC on 9/11/2001. Monumental.
I also lived in NYC (and still do) on 4/29/25. Monumental-ish.
Let me set the scene: I never go to Central Park. I’ve got Prospect Park in my neighborhood. P-Park (nobody calls it that) is objectively bigger and better than C-Park (nobody calls it that). The architect of Central Park, after finishing all of his architecting was like, “Eh. I can do better.” And off to Brooklyn he went and did better.
Last Saturday, my friend and I were walking back to the subway after catching a show and he suggested we just take a quick lap around the edge of Central Park because it’s so nice out.
We’ve been inside all day!
It’s the first nice day of the year! Everyone in NYC is outside!
We walked around. I sweat through my socks. Phew. 80 degrees in April! After about half an hour receiving the perfect dose of Vitamin D, we headed our separate ways to our subway stations.
On my many block walk, my teeth began chattering. “Why am I suddenly freezing?” I actually said out loud. Was it just who felt cold? Or was it cold outside? I couldn’t tell. I had to stop walking to figure this out, like when you’re driving and lost and your first instinct is to turn down the radio.
Stopping didn’t help. I could not tell if the cold was coming from inside the house. I jumped to the conclusion that I must be dying. That’s what dying people do, right? They get very cold when it’s 80 degrees outside?
I started walking again and heard a chorus of “fucks” and “shits” as people passed me by, crossing their arms for warmth. It offered no answers and was of no comfort to see other people shivering. It was cold comfort, if you will. And you will.
Sure, at least my individual body wasn’t shutting down for no reason but there was only one other logical explanation. We were all dying because the sun was evaporating. Any minute now, pitch black would descend as well as ice meteors, crushing some of us, and leaving the rest to succumb to hypothermia on the sidewalk.
I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The sun did not evaporate on April 4th, 2025. But what I’d experienced was I was The Day The Temperature in New York City Dropped A Record Breaking 26 Degrees In One Hour.
It was harsh, abrupt, and very rude of the weather to behave that way. That bullshit, is just one of the reasons why I hate spring.
We need to be hibernating until the end of April.
I’m tired of the premature evacuations.
(Please take a moment to enjoy that amazing pun.)
(Take another moment if you need to.)
Guess what? I don’t like Daylight Savings Time spring edition. Hate. I dread it the way people dread paying taxes. All of this daylight is saved weeks before the spring solstice, when it feels even colder than winter thanks to meteorological “seasonal lag.”
I have to endure the same old same-old small talk. “Isn’t it great it’s not going to be dark so early?” WHY. TELL ME WHY WE NEED THIS HOUR IN MARCH. And don’t tell me you need it because you’re a farmer or a parent. If we just let the Earth turn and stopped messing with time, sometime in mid-late April, the sun would set an hour later. What’s the rush?
ARRRGH. I’m all mad because IT IS STILL LIGHT OUT AS I TYPE THIS, and I am ready for my nighttime candles.
Sigh.
So, I’m being overly dramatic here in an attempt to be mildly funny. We all have our things. This is my thing. I kind of think that spring might just objectively suck.
Here are three reasons why spring sucks based on my lived experience:
Easter and all of the Catholic masses that lead up to it. Long. The stage (altar) stripped bare. The parishioners read out loud, in unison, “acting” out the parts where the Romans crucified Jesus. “Crucify him! Crucify him!” I always felt like everyone got a little too into it. Like they really did want to kill Jesus—maybe so they wouldn’t have to go to church anymore. Ironically, that is why we have to go to church. But anyway, it gave me a January 6th vibe, decades in advance.
Kurt Cobain was found on April 8th. He died on the 5th.
Puddles
Look at this thing that I saw on Instagram:
I didn’t know this! See? All people (men) do is change dates, times, and clocks and ruin everything. Life is wonderful. That’s why I get so mad to lose an hour of it, even when I know that I’ll get it back in the fall.
xo, jen