(audio read by me)
I had a therapist for 15 (!) years who was not a very good therapist. I did not know this at the time.
She wasn’t even my first therapist. My first therapist was very good. I saw her a few times when I was 21 and then I moved away. I didn’t get this Former Bad Therapist until I was 30. By then I was a whole mess with years of repeated behaviors stemming from unhealed things and not knowing I was neuorodivergent, and not knowing that things like Patriarchy and so on actually do affect someone’s life as much as their parents or teachers influence….ANYWAY.
I had my suspicions around year 13 (great detective work, Jen!) that she was not so great for me subjectively and perhaps not skilled, objectively. There’s so much here and for now I’m just writing little tidbits, but I will continue to unpack this in a writing way for a long time to come.
Thankfully, I have an amazing therapist now (okay I have two actually, they do two different kinds of things) and it’s been years and we’ve undone some of the damage that my Former Bad Therapist did to my point of view of myself, how things work, and how I can trust the person I’m paying to provide therapy.
ANYWAY I’m getting ahead of myself when all I want to do is laugh and laugh and be like WHAT THE FFFFF about the shit she used to say and God Bless Former Me who really didn’t know enough or have the energy enough to walk out of the room and be like, “Lady, you’re fucking bad at this!”
This Tidbit is About When She Talked Me Into Staying Married (I get that it’s not her fault, blah, blah, blah)
She made no room for me to explore my feelings, she jumped in a lot with “advice” like she was Dear Abby - and oh if you KNEW the irony of what I just wrote but if I told you, then I’d be giving too much away when I’d like to keep her name private since, oh I don’t know, I don’t want her to see this because I still fear (not totally healed yet) that SHE WILL WRITE A COUNTER Substack or something and be like, “Jen was a bad former client.” Which is NOT a thing and if she did it would prove that she IS a FORMER BAD THERAPIST.
Okay, let’s get on with the time she talked me into staying married.
